


Greatest Sin

by Lif61 (UltimateFandomTrash)



Series: SPN Hiatus Creations 2020 [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s08e23 Sacrifice, Gen, POV Sam Winchester, SPN Hiatus Creations 2020, Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24247249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltimateFandomTrash/pseuds/Lif61
Summary: Sam confesses his sins before he begins the third and final Trial.
Series: SPN Hiatus Creations 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750201
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Greatest Sin

**Author's Note:**

> Written for week one of SPN Hiatus Creations on tumblr. Prompt: favorite episode.

“I don’t know if you’re listening,” Sam began, chest tight with guilt and unsaid words, and a deep hatred — for himself. “I don’t know if anyone is. But…” He heaved in a shaky breath. He had to get the words out. He had to! They wouldn’t come. He sighed.

It was cold and dark in the confessional of the abandoned church. But it was Hallowed ground, a place they could use to cure Crowley, to close the Gates of Hell.

The toll of the Trials burned through every cell in Sam’s body, and it throbbed, like a yearning beat that told him he had to continue. He had to finish.

This was the only way he could absolve his sins.

This was the only way he could be purified.

His chest felt as if it was filled with needles as he coughed, blood coming out to land on his sleeve. Sam was too used to his own body’s failures now to find it disgusting. He just hated the bit of blood, hated all that was inside him, and knew he had to keep going.

“Maybe it doesn’t matter if—if no one’s up there. Maybe this is about me.” Sam paused, but then went on, “But it shouldn’t be about me. I am… I am so far from good that I don’t even know what light  _ looks like _ . I think it’s this pain in me, I think it’s the Trials. But it’s not enough. I have sinned  _ my entire life _ .” The confession came in a burst of words, and Sam clenched his jaw. His throat ached, and there was a pinching sensation at the bridge of his nose.

“I—I drank demon blood, I picked Ruby over Dean, I let Dean down, I… I just let him down. Too many times. And he’s still here. But he’s not. He’s not, you know? There’s always someone — some _ thing _ — else. An angel, a vampire... And it’s my fault. It’s my fault because Dean can’t rely on me. I started the Trials even though it wasn’t what he wanted for me. I drank  _ demon blood _ , and I hurt him, and I did it again and again and again. I said yes to Lucifer…

A tear trailed down Sam’s cheek.

“I let my brother down.”

No weight was lifted from him. There wasn’t a burst of holiness suddenly descending upon his form. No light. No choir of angels. Just the creak of old wood as he shifted, and the eerie sound of Crowley whistling out near the forgotten altar.

Sam had confessed his greatest sin. And no one gave a damn.


End file.
